A Taraweeh Dilemma: Motherhood vs The Masjid

Motherhood changes life so much for a woman, more than many can even imagine. Things we did easily and took for granted suddenly becomes a thing of the past. We love our little blessings but somehow look back at the past with some degree of sorrow, and even think, “Will those good times ever come back again?”

But just like everything else in life, life moves on and we get accustomed to it. We tend to embrace our new lives. This takes years for many to finally fully embrace the changes that motherhood brings. This is why I always find that mums of firstborns struggle so much more. They look at mothers with multiple children with awe and think, “How does she do all that? I can't even do anything with just one!” My response to them always is, “Well, you realize and accept that this is your life and learn to embrace it. Only when you fully embrace it, do you accept the changes it brings and find it fulfilling.”

One such thing I struggled with after motherhood, is attending taraweeh in the masjid during Ramadan. I absolutely loved those nights in the masjid. From convincing our father to take us to different masajid in Ramadan, to the beautiful Qunoot duas, discussing the new Imams at the Haramain, and spending nights in I'tikaf, the memories of Ramadan in the masjid are just so special.

After I had my firstborn, I was intent on not letting it deter me from this experience. I always had in mind the many conversations we had with our mum on this topic. She almost always prayed at home. It was more peaceful she said. And it was also better for women as the authentic ahadith narrated. We would argue that it is allowed and that the wives of the Prophet ﷺ and the Sahabiyat went throughout the Prophet's ﷺ life. She would say yes but the hadith still holds true, and that there is a peace at home that you don't always find at the masjid, especially after children. These discussions always played in my mind. I never contested the fact that a woman's prayer is best at home but struggled to fully internalize it, especially during Ramadan.

Almost every year after my journey into motherhood started I strived to go to the masjid at least a few times each year. It proved to be a challenge many a time yet I persisted because of the lovely vibe it gave me. I couldn't help but recall the discussions we had with Mum when we were much younger though and with every passing year I only realized more and more how beautiful it is that the woman's prayer is actually better at home. What a blessing! Imagine if, like the men, a woman’s prayer was better or even obligatory at the masjid. What a stress that would have been to strive to go?!

By last Ramadan, my masjid trips for taraweeh drastically reduced. It was much easier to pray at home, and much more possible to focus on what I was reciting.

No wondering where your child is when he is missing in front of your immediate gaze.
No worrying about which ladies handbag he is helping himself to anymore.
No embarrassment and guilt when a mini tantrum is disturbing others.
No struggle to find a place to do sujood because your child has conveniently sat in your place of sujood and you can't move because the Masjid is so full.

Despite all this. I would still wistfully wish I could attend more. Can't wait until they grow up I would think.

One day last Ramadan, we attended a one-pot iftar at the masjid. Some of my best buddies had come. I decided to stay for taraweeh too that day. I had missed the masjid experience so much. One of my friends hurriedly packed up and rushed her kids out of the masjid before the adhan for Isha went off. “Are you not staying?” I asked. “No, I decided no more masjid for me for taraweeh with the kids,” she said. "Too much noise, too much distraction" I smiled and agreed but told her how I loved the experience at least for a day.

Towards the end of last Ramadan, I got inspiration from a dear student of mine about her Taraweeh Ramadan goal. We always learn SubhanAllah, even from those much younger than us, even from our own students whom we teach. It stuck with me. As this year Ramadan approached, I made it a Ramadan goal to do what she said in my taraweeh this year. Another video I watched on developing the Tahajjud habit in Ramadan also clicked.

With that, I made a firm resolve to not visit the masjid this Ramadan unless I happen to be there for something else already. Not because it isn't allowed. Not discouraging it for those who love it and not even because I love the masjid any less. But because, I had a clear goal for taraweeh in mind, and this could only be attained by praying at home considering my role as a mother.

And just like embracing motherhood makes it easier and more fulfilling. Embracing praying taraweeh at home feels the same. The peace, the serenity, the fulfillment. Words cannot express it. Alhamdulillah

As we are at the brink of the last ten nights, here are some tips for mamas praying at home:

✨ Ponder over the fact that the prayer for women is better at home and what a blessing that is. It will fill you with gratitude towards Allah

✨ Come to peace with the fact that praying in the Masjid isn't feasible for you. Just changing your mindset on this will help you view your situation much better.

✨ Remember that the best deeds done on the last ten nights are praying at night and reciting as much of the Qur'an and duas during the prayer.

✨ Set up your place of prayer in a tidy spot at home. Use some nice bukhoor as they do in masajid and adjust the lighting for your preference so that it aids you towards serenity.

✨ Wear clean, fresh-smelling prayer attire and perfume it. We are not allowed to wear perfume to the masajid but are allowed at home so this is another positive.

✨ According to many scholars you are allowed to read from the Qur'an during voluntary prayer. This is what we learn from the actions of our mother Aishah رضي الله عنها herself. Set yourself a goal on how much you want to recite during the prayer each night. It will give you purpose and focus and make the prayer very much more enjoyable. Remember that the best Qiyam is that with the longest standing. So recite as long as you are able to.

✨Prolong your sujood and ask all your most important duas. Make them every single night. The best dua is the dua of sujood. And how much better during the night, during these last ten blessed nights!

✨ If you are unable to pray due to periods or nifas, prepare yourself as you would for Salah and make your Duas, Dhikr and recite the Qur'an (if you follow the opinion that a woman on periods and postpartum can recite the Qur'an).