YOUR RESPONSES AND THE LIST WE PROMISED
We are SUPER delighted to hear from you on what questions are important to be asked before choosing your spouse and here are some of your responses! What an amazing variety of priority in each one’s response!
On Social and personal relationships –
According to me, one should ask the potential regarding their relationship with their family, what are their goals, are they friendly and open minded, do they like to go out and have guests at home, how does they expect my relation to be with their family. – Samiha
On religious commitment -
Another reader, Ayesha says, one could ask their potential if he/she would wake them up for Fajr, as this teaches you of their religious, commitment levels, patience, priorities etc.
On anger and stress management -
Another avid Ink of Faith reader, Zainab, says her question would be:
-What do you do when you are extremely angry?
-How do you react when you disagree with somebody over something?
-When you feel disconnected from your partner, what would you do to get back together?
On future plans and expectations -
“What do you expect me to be in terms of being a wife and what do you expect yourself to be like in terms of being the husband?” - Abeer
Imaan- “I’d basically ask him what are his future plans, career related and where is he going to settle.”
AND The most important question -
One of our winning comments is by a brother, Syed, according to whom-
“Every man must ask “Are you happy with this proposal” Most of the times, the girl is pressured into accepting/meeting the guy and she must know that if she’s not happy, the guy is ready to take the blame upon himself and cancel the arrangement.”
Thank you very much for your responses! Here’s the list of questions our writer has organized further to ask a potential suitor.
Our list of questions for you!
This list is split into two parts. Phase 1 and phase 2. Phase 1 is the ‘getting to know’ phase where you have your imaginary cards out in front of you. Each own a different colour and each one a different category (what we discussed earlier) and as you ask the questions you tick off or cross through your checklist.
This phase also includes getting to know the person, finding similar interests and establishing if there’s any connection or chemistry.
Phase 2 is the list for when things get more serious and when there is a click. At this stage, depending on how long you have till the nikkah, there are some questions that you must go into further details about.
So, Bismillah! Here is the list of questions to ask your potential suitor:
PHASE 1: Getting to know them
(Note: Most of these questions may not be asked directly to the potential themselves, like interview questions, but you may use them as prompts to find out the answers in casual, informal concerns.)
General:
– What are their hobbies?
– What do they do in their spare times?
– What are their interests?
– What they’d like to do in their career?
– What are they studying/would like to study?
– Are they involved in extracurricular/voluntary work?
– Have they had any experience with children?
– Do they like reading? If so, what kind of books do they like to read?
– Favourite series/documentary/movie?
– Are they an introvert or extrovert?
– How old are they?
– Have they travelled to another country? Which countries would they like to see?
Religion:
– Is there anything related to Salaah that they struggle with/need help with?
– Do they follow a particular madhab?
– Who is their favourite recitor?
– Which speakers do they listen to?
– Have they attended any courses?
– Do they attend circles of knowledge at the masjid/Islamic centre?
– Have they memorized any Qur’an/do they intend to?
Family & friends:
– What is their family background like?
– How do they socialize with family and friends?
– Do they have any nephews and nieces?
PHASE 2:
– What do they think their weaknesses and strengths are?
– What do they look for in a spouse?
– How do they deal with anger? Do they explode or implode or go quiet and need time away?
– How soon do they want to begin a family?
– What are their views on parenting/raising children?
– Have they suffered from any illnesses whether they are physical/mental?
– Have they any goals of studying Islamic knowledge further?
– What are their spiritual goals?
– How will they help the spouse become a better person?
– What are their views on things like music, free mixing, etc.?
– What are their views on sisters working/having a career?
– How is their family dynamics?
– Which siblings are they closest to?
– Have they had any past relationships that will affect their marriage?
– What are their future plans?
– Can they cook/clean?
– Will both spouses share the workload/how?
– Are they financially stable, if not what are the alternatives – will the guy’s parents be supporting them financially, if so for how long?
– Will both partners need to work?
– Does the husband intend for his wife to live with in laws? For how long? Make sure to discuss boundaries, hijab and privacy when it comes to living in a house with in laws and non-mahrams.
– Where do they seem themselves in 5 years’ time?
– Have they performed Umrah and Hajj?
– Are there any habits they wish to break?
So these are some of the questions our author, Madiyah Rana, has compiled for you. To add to it, we would like to leave you with some parting wisdom from another of our writers, Rochelle, who has been married for longer years –
‘In my honest opinion, we can ask a million questions to a potential spouse, to try to gauge what sort of individual we are dealing with. And answers can be truthful or not, and they can also be what the individual “thinks” he/she is like or what he/she would do in certain situations. However, that being said, it is only with experience can you truly know the sort of individual you married. It is only when one is put into a difficult situation,or given a choice between what is right and what is easy, then and only then will you certainly know who you married, but more importantly, who you are as a spouse.’
All the best!
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